Archive | November 2015

An Arbitrary Number of Fucking Pointless Lists

Clickbait

Filling the internet with unremarkable, petty, moronic things, all to generate ad revenue, is currently the MO of online capitalism masquerading as journalism. It doesn’t matter what the fuck you write because putting it in a list makes it shareable. 11 People Called June, Seven Ways to Urinate, 61 Times That Tuesday Happened, think of any old shit, gather together the stock photography and off you go. Profit. The spreadsheet is clearly lord and master as there appear to be no limits to the barely lukewarm fripperies of the listicle; lowest common denominator clickbait wins, how the fuck else would these things get published?

  1. We’ll Never Forget These 9 All-Time Great Performances by Grieving Stars. Do fuck off, Evan, there’s a good chap.
  1. The Official Ranking of Herbs, From Worst to Best. I shouldn’t need to comment really but there is nothing in this list that raises it above half-witted, ludicrous nonsense. I’m sure the author (…) could make myriad arguments for this being light hearted and fun but it is neither, it’s just a massive, meaningless waste of everything.
  1. 21 Types of Best Friends Everyone Has. At best this is an asinine list of ‘hilarious’ personality types. Mainly it’s just aimless, soul destroying cack. If this list chimed with you in any way you should have a very fucking serious word with yourself.
  1. 21 Pictures You’ll Only Understand If You’re Introverted. No Michelle, you’re quite wrong, I like going out to pubs and getting utterly arseholed and shouting at bins, but I understood. I understood it was vacuous crap.
  1. 16 Early Photographs That Prove History Was Evil. If, having just read the title of this one you didn’t scream BOLLOCKS at your computer, we won’t get on.
  1. 35 Celebs Who’ve Aged Horribly. Pictures of people when they were young and then old. THEY HAVE AGED, HOW DISGUSTING OF THEM. Awful fucktards can at least afford surgery…
  1. 17 Celebrity Before-And-After Plastic Surgery Disasters. Nice byline pic Ashley, is that before or after your disaster? The quality of all these articles is suspect but this is so devoid of any care or attention that it would probably have been better to let a thought-challenged amoeba have a go.
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