Archive | April 2015

Public Frustrations


I’ve worked in PR for a long time now. I never wanted to work in PR, it happened by accident. I was fundamentally opposed to lots of the practises of the profession, but responsibilities require me to earn cash, and for better or worse (give you a clue, it’s worse) I have been lying to people professionally for over 15 years.

The last few years have seen a huge paradigm shift (haha, stick that up your arse journos) in the industry, fuelled by social media and the ‘need’ for year-round conversation with your audience, the knock on effect of which has been to render my working hours for one particular client into a sort of groundhog day of deeply pointless meetings and conference calls that go not unlike this:

OK team, let’s plan what I think is an important announcement!

Everybody stop doing any PR and please feed into this pointless timeline that has no value to either you or me but will prove to my fellow directors that we know how to write lists. As in all other cases ever, we will not come even remotely close to sticking to this timeline, but I will stuff it full of unrealistic targets and hold you to them, even though you haven’t agreed that they are achievable.

OK – hey stop doing PR there – we need to go through the timeline in agonising detail and change its constituent parts from what seemed vaguely sensible to whatever it is someone has just told me is cool or good and will engage the fanbase. Shall we have an hour long conference call in which all suggestions and advice from you will be completely ignored in favour of my own personal whim?

Great, OK let’s all work to this new timeline and plan that no one really thought was a good idea and is now just a bit too convoluted and won’t really work. Everybody GO!


Something has happened, probably an off the cuff remark by a director that I am massively overreacting to, and now we need to completely change the timeline to make sure we are connecting with the customer base. Stop doing PR and let’s spend another fruitless couple of hours discussing something largely unimportant.

Great,  now we have a new timeline, let’s just squeeze in this new announcement that no one was previously aware of, and will completely fuck up our brand new timeline, sell no wares and get no PR pick up (because you don’t have time to PR it properly) because I’ve decided that that’s what we should do and I will justify this by using the word ‘traction’.

Everybody redo the timeline.


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